Cancellations, Delays, and the Beauty of Distance

Reflections on how we show up in different spaces and how listening to our needs is so important for us to be fully present

(A little butterfly in Hyde Park, London, May 2024)

I’m back from another trip to London. After experiencing the glories of the Northern Rail line’s many delays, I made it back to Edinburgh only 2.5 hours after I was supposed to. Hindsight is both 20/20 and eternally wise, as I actually arrived at King’s Cross three hours before my scheduled train journey, and even checked to find out if I could get on an earlier train. The change fee did not seem worth it, so I kept my ticket. Later, to my great dismay, I was to discover that every single LNER train to Edinburgh had been cancelled. Thankfully, my ticket was on a Lumo train, which ultimately was the last train to leave King’s Cross to Edinburgh. Rather than listening to music, delving into a podcast, or reading a book, I found myself unable to do anything but stare at the station’s announcements board. 

My eyes darted between the time and the announcement for my train. For three hours, the delay crept up  minute by minute. I went to the information desk to ask if the train would ultimately be cancelled, and was told that it was still running. I appreciate that train staff on the ground at Kings Cross were none the wiser. The drama of the train seeming to be delayed by one minute indefinitely was like watching the final minutes of a clock at a tied match of any sport of your choosing - you have no idea how it will end, yet you cannot look away.

What was unique about my experience yesterday was that I was also experiencing incredible sensory overload. Somehow, past Briana thought that it would be a good idea to travel all the way down to London to sit at a festival at a tent for my publisher to sign books for just half an hour. Somehow, my publisher thought that this was a good use of their travel budget for me. Somehow, the author in me felt this was a good use of my time and I did, in fact, attempt to run a workshop after the festival, hosted by my friend, the singer-songwriter Lexi Berg; however, her passport was pickpocketed, and she was stranded in Stockholm with no way to get home. She is from Stockholm and has family there, so it was not the end of the world, but the workshop would not go ahead.

Ultimately, this was better for me, because the neurodivergent part of me did not for one second think about the sensory and emotional implications of spending hours at a Mind Body Spirit Festival at Olympia London full of people - not to mention the pure energetic overload of being in a convention centre full of healers, shamans, astrologers, medium, crystals, singing bowls and all sorts of energetically focused humans. It was chaos, like walking into a tornado of psychic soup, which I had not prepared myself for. Normally I would use essential oils or carry crystals with me, but this trip was very last minute in its execution, and my attitude around it was so nonchalant that I simply did not think of protecting myself until it was too late. Another thing that struck me about this event was that I had forgotten why we were all there, which was to sell our wares. The health and wellness industry (as well as the healing industry) is still an industry.

When I walked into the festival, I was assaulted with treats, and had to ask the person handing them out what was in them. The treat I was pointed to was filled with dairy - and I am indeed dairy intolerant. I am happy I asked, but it struck me that, surely, in a space so health conscious, would not the maker of these treats and their helpers think to share the ingredients of what was in their freebies? Surely in this day and age when restaurants across the UK consistently (mostly) share dietary information, and awareness of the risks to people with allergies is so high, this sort of space would bee even more aware of the risks of sharing food? A monk told me he ‘loved my energy’ and then proceeded to talk me into a conversation with him about my book. I told him I was en route to my publisher’s stall and needed to get moving but, before I could, he handed me a small bundle of books tied with a thin lilac ribbon that included yoga sutras and guides on how to live life with ‘right judgment’. This notion of ‘right’ is actually about following an enlightened path and an ethical path that comes into many Buddhist teachings. Promptly, after offering me the bundle, he asked me for a donation. I had no cash and, as I am waiting on invoices to clear (which has been my struggle this entire month), I had no money that I could easily donate to him. I told him I would come back and he made a point to repeat my name as well as the location of my stall, which seemed a little like a looming promise that he would come find me if I did not return. I did not.

Now, I have never been a festival person. I understand the irony of writing this as I prepare to leave for Barcelona to accompany my partner to Primavera Sound Festival - which I will not be attending, but they will be. I have been to a total of maybe 2 festivals in my life. If we are counting beyond music festivals, the irony of this statement is that I set up and ran a festival for 3 years after I graduated from university and after my year as President of Edinburgh University Students’ Association (EUSA). Festivals are an entire world unto themselves. Festival founders, producers, and workers develop a vocabulary, an insomnia, and share a collective experience that I could not do justice here. Coming of age in a festival city, the glorious city of Edinburgh, with its 13 summer festivals, is the perfect backdrop to have developed my taste for festivals and was a perfect trial by fire of running a festival - however, as an attendee, I have a very specific, somewhat complicated relationship to festivals. I love food festivals and outdoor markets. One of my favourite pastimes is to wander through a farmer’s market. Saturdays on Castle Terrace and Sundays at Stockbridge Market used to be a weekly ritual for me. I also love antiquing and secondhand shopping. I love wandering through mountains of clothes or looking for knick knacks. Any and all of my friends know I am obsessed with glass, and so to keep me away from any vintage glassware. I once stopped on the side of the road en route to Mostar from Sarajevo in a rental car with my best friend to go to an antique store. We wanted to take everything with us, including a vintage sky blue glass oil lamp (hence the obsession with glass), but I knew that would not fit in my bag and would surpass my already miniscule RyanAir bag limit.

I love an outdoor flower show or a craft fair, and have frequented many in my time. Portobello has a regular makers fair and, in my time working at Creative Edinburgh or in the lead up to it, I was often visiting open studios at Coburg House. I once organised an open studio at Codebase for the Creative Floor, where Creative Edinburgh was based, with a number of other incredible creatives. I also used to be business development manager at Custom Lane, Scotland’s Centre for Design & Making, so it was partially my job to support our tenants. I once recorded a cringey Christmas tour of our maker’s fair, which featured me walking around selling products that were not only not my own, but which I had just seen for the first time an hour before. Thankfully my bosses were gracious and allowed me to do the interview at short notice.

However, when it comes to festivals that are sensorily overwhelming, with loud, drunk people, loud, booming music, and loud, confusing layouts, I cannot cope. I thought that I was going to walk into the Mind Body Spirit Festival and find a zen oasis of gentle lighting, lots of kind and calm people floating around, and delicious food; instead, I was greeted with shoving shoulders, very few gluten free options at the three food counters, and freebies being shoved in my face. It was an assault on the senses and reminded me that I simply should have known better. Festivals of this size and this type are simply not for me. I obviously made the best of it by catching up with the lovely Watkins team, speaking to one of my favourite new booksellers, and talking with another Watkins author - Tally (of Therapised) who has recently written the book Hooked: Why We Are Addicted and How to Break Free. We shared the stage earlier in the month at the Watkins-hosted Reinventing Women’s Health event hosted by Vikki Scott, a fellow integrative therapist at Vout-O-Renee’s. The event was warm, inspiring, full, and an enlightening evening. I learned so much about addiction, menopause, and vegan recipes. I loved it. My opening line was all about how we can reinvent women’s health by reframing our relationship to health in a society where our nervous systems are constantly activated. I then asked the audience to think about what health means in this context.

(My signing table at the Mind Body Spirit Festival last weekend)

Without Tally and the wonderful Watkins team, I could have given the afternoon a miss, but I am grateful for the opportunity to sign books and be reminded of the things that I don’t like. I think learning to better know ourselves as we get older and discover our neurodivergence is all part of the process. I may have been so overstimulated that I cried to my partner on the phone at King’s Cross waiting to board my infinitely-delayed train. I may have had to take deep breaths and close my eyes when tannoy announcements sounded like drills in my head, even with my special Loop™ earplugs in. I may have cried when my partner greeted me at the bus stop near our flat in Portobello after 10.5 hours of travel. As a first-time author, I am negotiating when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. After talking to Tally, I was reminded that I’m doing ok - negotiating a new copyeditor for my first book, scheduling more book events than other authors on the Watkins roster, and enthusiastically getting behind my own book, which I was told is not always the case. I am doing alright, and I have a wonderful editor to thank for that.

(Tally and me at the Mind Body Spirit Festival, London 2024)

If you are interested in hearing more about my journey into publishing, please let me know. I intend to write more about the behind-the-scenes process.

✨Make Good Trouble News ✨

Make Good Trouble was at the Mind Body Spirit Festival at Olympia London this weekend. Watch this reel to see the highlights.

There will be an announcement of a new book giveaway with a special partner soon. Keep your eyes peeled!

Please take photos of your books and books in bookshops wherever you see them by tagging me on Instagram (@brianapegado) with the hashtag #MakeGoodTroubleBook. I spotted Make Good Trouble at Toppings Edinburgh last week. Here’s a photo:

✨ Make Good Trouble Events ✨

Make Good Trouble at Waterstones Dundee 13 July 2024

Second US Tour to be announced, with dates in Detroit Michigan, Portland Maine, and Washington, DC. Keep your eyes peeled for more information to come!

✨Special Events ✨

Inner Clarity withMarina Marina Oswald from Talk with Marina and I are launching an incredibly special two-part workshop series called Inner Clarity.

Our values help us unearth the core of who we are. When we have clarity around our values, we understand ourselves at our deepest level and by putting those values into practice, we can bring our lives into alignment in magical ways. This inner clarity supports an inner peace that helps us live in magical alignment with our purpose. Join us for a values workshop in two-parts. Uncover your values using the values compass and then learn how to put those values into practice.

The sessions will run back to back over two weeks on the 21 July and 30th of July in Edinburgh. 

For newsletter subscribers please use special discount code prelaunch to book for a £33 early bird ticket. Regular tickets at £44 and early bird tickets are available until 30 June 2024.

Things I’ve Watched

Look, it may be the autistic person in me, but - as my partner knows very well - I can rewatch series like nobody’s business. And when I say rewatch, I mean countless times. For Bridgerton (2024) Series 3, I have already lost count of the amount of times I have watched this series. I think it is somewhere in the ballpark of 5 or 6, excluding certain episodes that I rewatched specifically rather than the first half of the season in full. I highly recommend it. Contrary to popular opinion, I think this season slaps and is one of the best yet. I have also been highly amused by Bridgerton memes from devout fans.

On my journey from help back to Edinburgh on Saturday night, I also started watching Sweet Tooth (2021), which I highly recommend. Think post-apocalypse, hybrid creatures, and the search for a cure. This TV series is about a young boy-deer who is trying to find his way in the world. He encounters an incredible cast of characters, and we see the world through his eyes as we discover the universe or world in which he lives alongside him. A new season comes out at the beginning of June.

On my last trip back to London earlier this month, I discovered Dead Boy Detectives (2024). It is the perfect combo of mystery, goth goodness, and style. Think of an aesthetically pleasing and more diverse version of Buffy mixed with any goth-teenage-mystery-romantic-brooding series you have ever seen and you’ve nailed it. The set design, the costumes, and the settings for this show are stunning. Please give it a watch and let’s hope it will be confirmed for a second series! (There is a teeny bit too much exposition in this series, but you can ignore it).